The Kind of Love
by MoonShine9229
Summary: Set in Kill Ari, mostly part 2. Ziva kills Ari and, before going back to Israel to bury him, she goes to Tony's place. Things happen and, six weeks later, she's dealing with an unexpected surprise. I don'w own anything. More chapters to come...
1. The Beginning

_**I don't own anything. The story is set after Kate died, so Kill Ari 1&2.**_

_**Italics are for flashback. The rest is set in "present time"**_

_**The lines separate the present time from flashbacks.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p>It was a hot June morning. She was in bed, wearing sweats and watching T.V. There was nothing good on, so she was just zapping through different channels until something was good enough to catch her attention.<p>

She'd been feeling sick for a few days now, but thought it was a mild case of food poisoning or something. Her period had been late, too, but she never got it on the day it was supposed to come, anyways. So she disregarded that sign as well. But when she briefly passed out in her office at Mossad, she knew there was something going on and couldn't ignore her symptoms anymore.

So she went back six weeks, remembering how it all began.

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><p><em>They had spent all night awake, collecting the shell casings from the roof where Ari took a shot at Kate, putting a bullet between her head. It had been raining non-stop and everyone was soaking wet, but that didn't stop them from doing their jobs. They had to find Ari and make him pay for what he'd done.<em>

_Everyone was dealing with their own feelings about Kate's death. Gibbs felt pretty guilty for letting her take the protection detail. McGee had to cope with her loss, too, but wasn't quite sure how to do it. Tony regretted not telling her many things and not seeing her in that Catholic School girl uniform she claimed she still had. Although, that didn't stop him from picturing her in it. Abby was a wreck. She was crying and looking at the picture Kate had given her, the one where she's a vampire, or maybe a bat? She had her hair loose, but tied it up when she heard Kate tell her she loved her in pigtails. Ducky. Oh poor Ducky. It was his unfortunate job to perform the autopsy, not that he would've let anyone else do it. Having to cut open your coworker can't be an easy thing to do. _

_Everyone was coping with the loss the way they knew how. For some, it was guilt. And for others, fear or denial._

_The night went by and suddenly it was morning. It had stopped raining, but probably no one had noticed, as they were focused on one thing and one thing only: finding Kate's killer's whereabouts. _

_Tony was on his desk, working. McGee and Gibbs were somewhere else and he was alone in the squad room. It was then when he let himself fantasize about Kate in a Catholic School girl uniform, but he was interrupted by a young woman, whose outfit was far from what Kate was wearing in Tony's imagination. She was dressed in cargo pants, her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was wearing a headband. A jacket and combat boots matched the rest of her attire. The only piece of jewelry she had on was a silver Star of David hanging around her neck and instead of wearing bracelets or earrings, she had a gun and a knife strapped around her waist and a backup revolver on an ankle holster. Since he was basically talking to himself, he had to make it look like he was on a call and not crazy, so he hit the "end call" button on his phone. But he was too late. She'd heard enough of that conversation to say:_

— _"Having phone sex?"_

_Tony was startled and then looked at her, confused. He didn't know who she was, what she was doing there or exactly how much of his monologue she'd heard._

_— "Charades". The only answer that came to his mind at that moment. "Who are you? _

— _"Ziva David. Mossad" She showed him her ID._

— _"You're Israeli?" He knew Ari was, too, that's why he was surprised. _

— _"Very good. The way you made that connection: Mossad = Israeli" She was being sarcastic, getting a kick out of it. Of course, one could also argue that she was flirting a bit. _

— _"What can I do for you, Ms. David?" Tony said._

— _"Nothing. I'm here to see Special Agent Gibbs" _

_But Gibbs wasn't in the room. They both knew that. So, the small talk began. She sat on McGee's desk and kept acting flirtatious while Tony tried to get her to tell him why she was in D.C. But he knew it had something to do with Ari. As Gibbs had taught him: "We don't believe in coincidences". After a while, she finally told him she wanted to stop Gibbs from killing Ari. Tony's answer?_

— _"I'd wish you luck, but I want the bastard dead, too" After all, he had killed his partner, whether Ziva wanted to believe it or not._

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><p>As Ziva walked down the stairs, she remembered how her and Tony's first meeting had been. Was there really someone to blame for what was going on in her life right now?<p>

The car ride to the store was quiet. She would normally turn the radio up full blast, sing along to the lyrics of the song and enjoy the music and the ride. But not this time.

When she got to the store, she went straight to where they sold pregnancy tests. There was a whole shelf with different brands, two-packs, three-packs, six-packs; the ones that, when positive, show you a smiley face, a "plus" sign, a blue strip and the classic pink-strip ones. She was overwhelmed by all the choices there were. Suddenly, she started thinking, without even having taken the test yet, what she'd do if it were positive. Did she want the baby? Should she keep it? Should she tell the father? Or maybe just have an abortion? Would she be a good mother? Or should she give it up? Finally, she picked one box. It was the kind that told you it was positive with a pink strip. She paid for it and the ride back home was even quieter than the ride to the store. The only thing she could hear were her own thoughts and so she started contemplating all the options she had and what the consequences would be. She didn't know what to tell her father in case she kept the baby. _"Abba, I was so broken about Ari's death that I slept with a cute guy at NCIS that I'd only known for a day and now I'm pregnant"._ No, there's no way she could put it that way. But she couldn't tell him that Tony forced her, because that was not true. She had absolutely no idea how she'd tell people about this if she decided to keep the baby.

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><p><em>Ziva was convinced that Ari had had nothing to do with Kate's death, but Gibbs kept showing her undeniable evidence that it'd been him and no one else. After showing her the rifle Ari used to kill Kate - a Bravo 51 -, known by marines as a "Kate", Ziva knew what she was dealing with and had to come to terms with the fact that her brother had murdered an American agent and had to pay for it.<em>

_Gibbs asked everyone to leave the lab because he wanted to have a private conversation with Ziva._

— _"He's after me. If you've profiled me, then you know about my first wife and my daughter. And that that's the reason he's targeting the women in my team" Gibbs was almost whispering. He knew people were outside and could hear their conversation. _

— _"Yes. I am sorry" Ziva couldn't even look at him in the eye._

— _"I need you to back me up. He'll probably be waiting for me at my house, waiting to kill me with my own rifle."_

— _"Alright." She wasn't sure about this, but it was the least she could do for him and everyone else._

_That night, when Gibbs got to his house, he went straight to his basement. He found Ari, just as he had predicted, holding his rifle on the side of the room. Ari hated his father, Deputy Director of Mossad Eli David, and Gibbs had the "misfortune of reminding him of the bastard". He'd had his mother killed and him trained since birth to become a mole in Hamas, little did he know he had created a monster who would grow up to become his worst nightmare. Ari wanted to kill Gibbs with his own rifle, making it seem he had committed suicide. When Gibbs asked Ziva to cover him, she'd called Ari and told him what Gibbs was planning so that he could be careful, thus becoming some sort of double agent. But deep down, Gibbs knew that at the end of the day, Ziva would do what was right. And she did. Seconds before Ari pulled the trigger to kill Gibbs; a shot came from the door: a bullet that lodged itself on Ari's forehead, right between the eyes, took his life away. And with it, a part of Ziva died, as well._


	2. Chapter 2

She got to her house, with tears in her eyes. She couldn't get that picture out of her mind: singing over her dead brother's body, a brother she had loved deeply and that had died at her hands. That made her feel sick to her stomach. The only thing she could do right now was take the pregnancy test and find out if what happened after she left Gibbs' house would stay as a one-night-stand or would turn into a lifetime of reminders of that painful, but yet beautiful night.

"Wait three to five minutes before checking the stick" Those would be the longest three to five minutes of her life. But she had to know. She had to. Thoughts about the result kept popping into her head, but the more pressing one was how to tell _her_ _own _father. "The only way to keep this from him…", she thought, "would be to run away and not even tell him I'm pregnant". She couldn't see another way out, especially knowing how he'd react if he did find out.

Five minutes later, her live changed forever.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no….." She knelt down and started crying. She practically collapsed when the stick turned pink. "I can't be pregnant. Please! I just can't!" Panic took over her. She started shaking and her mind was spinning, she was dizzy and confused. After crying for 30 minutes straight, she lay down on the floor, tired, and stayed there until she fell asleep. About 45 minutes later, she woke up, her eyes burning and swollen from all the crying, she took the pregnancy test and sat on her bed. She stared at the stick for a good 10 minutes thinking about nothing. Her mind was literally blank, trying to process how such an insignificant thing as a pink strip could have so much meaning and change someone's life, _her life_, forever.

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><p><em>She came down the stairs, not removing her eyes from her dead brother's body. Gibbs looked at her and saw a woman in real pain. The kind of pain that is present in someone when they lose a loved one.<em>

"_His father is the Deputy Director in Mossad?" He asked._

"_Yes". Her voice was breaking._

"_Not David?" He was a bit confused by the whole situation._

"_Yes. He's my half brother."_

_Her expression broke him; he could tell she was about to cry. He looked at Ari, then back at her and, as he was leaving, he grabbed her thumb as a way of showing her how sorry he was that she had to do this._

_After staying with Ari for a while, she went upstairs to talk to Gibbs. He was sitting on his couch drinking coffee, trying to let what had just happened sink in. Since she'd been crying a little, her eyes were red and a bit swollen, something Gibbs noticed._

"_There's tea in the kettle, if you want some" He sounded sincere and like he truly cared._

"_Thank you" That's all she could manage to say under the circumstances._

_She poured herself a cup of tea and joined the silver-haired man on the couch. "Gibbs, I'd like to ask you a favor. I'd very much appreciate it if we could keep this between us in order to avoid an international incident". She was speaking the truth, but she was also scared of her father's reaction. It was better for everyone to think that Gibbs had killed Ari, since it would be more believable and would raise fewer questions. "I agree". Gibbs not only shared her opinion about the problem, but felt kind of sorry for her, too._

_After she finished her tea, she called the Israeli Embassy in D.C to tell them what'd happened. They sent a couple of agents to escort his body back to the Embassy and arranged for Ziva to take him back to Tel Aviv. She thanked Gibbs silently, just by looking at him, and then walked away. She knew he wouldn't let her down, not on this. She knew that the final report would say that Gibbs killed Ari and not Ziva. He had trusted her with his life, now it was her turn to trust him._

* * *

><p>Three hours.<p>

That's how long it'd been since she found out she was having a baby with a guy she'd only known for twenty-four hours. A guy she may or may not have feelings for. Someone she didn't even know she liked or not. Could she even call him a friend? She wasn't sure. She didn't know if he was in a relationship or involved with someone, or if he would want the baby. "Probably not", she thought. And if he did, would he be a good father? Or be the kind that stuck around only because he felt it was "the right thing to do" as opposed to actually _wanting_ to be there? She couldn't be sure of anything right now. Hell, she wasn't even sure if this was all a dream; after all, it felt too surreal to be a part of her everyday life.

But there was nothing she could do, except come to terms with what was happening and figure out what to do next. "Baby steps" she said and smiled when she realized the words she'd used. She had to be smart, though. She knew that pregnancy tests could result in false positives, so she grabbed her phone and called her doctor to schedule an appointment for a sonogram. She managed to get one for that Friday. Until then, she had to assume the pregnancy test was accurate and take care of herself the way a pregnant woman would.

Friday morning would've been like any other day if it hadn't been for the fact that she had a doctor's appointment. Ziva had told her father she'd be late for work because she needed to run some errands. She had to lie to him; otherwise he'd get suspicious and start digging around until he found out the truth. That day was a good day, meaning she wasn't feeling sick or dizzy or having those crazy-weird cravings that usually struck after midnight. She almost didn't feel pregnant.

_Almost._

When she got to Dr. Ebbs' office, she saw a tall, thin, wise-looking woman wearing a white coat. She had a feeling she could trust her, but if there was anything she'd learned from her Mossad training, it was to never trust a person on your first meeting, no matter how nice they seemed. But she didn't really have a choice now, did she? This was the woman who would tell her if she was expecting a baby or not, there was not much room for doubting her knowledge on the subject.

"Good morning, Ms. David. How are you feeling this morning?" The doctor sounded kind and sweet.

"I'm good, thank you. No nausea today. I guess that's a good thing, right?" She wanted to sound happy about the pregnancy, but, instead, she was coming off hesitant about it.

"Yeah! It's a good thing!" The doctor noticed Ziva's tone of voice and knew this was something she probably hadn't planned on. "Is something wrong? I have the feeling that you're not very…. excited, maybe?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, well… I still can't believe this is happening, so…" Ziva was definitely nervous and scared about this new chapter in her life and the doctor picked up on that.

"Well, then let's get this sonogram started and clear all doubt, ok?" Even Ziva couldn't deny this lady was sweet. "The gel is going to be a bit cold"

"Ok…. Oh! That's cold." Ziva smiled a bit.

"Alright! Let's take a look, shall we?"

Dr. Ebbs started scanning her abdomen and the picture showed up on the screen of the monitor. In the center, she saw the little baby that was growing inside Ziva and proceeded to show her.

"Ziva, you see this shape that kind of looks like a peanut?" Since the doctor knew that Ziva was hoping she _wasn't _pregnant, she tried to break the news as gently as possible.

"Yes, I do." They both remained quiet. Ziva because she knew, she just did. And the doctor because she was trying to let Ziva process what she was seeing. "That's the baby, isn't it?" Her eyes filled with tears, but she refused to shed them.

"Yes. You're about six weeks along." Ziva didn't make eye contact; she just looked up at the ceiling. "Are you ok, Ziva? Do you want to discuss your options?"

"No, I… I'm fine. Thank you…. Can I…. Can I go now?" She just wanted to leave and go back to work and forget about this for a few hours. That's what she did in situations like these: she avoided facing the problem, buried her emotions and did something to take her mind off of it.

"Uhm… sure. If you have any questions, call me, please" The doctor seemed concerned about Ziva and how she'd reacted, but knew there was nothing she could do about it. Now, it was up to Ziva to decide what she wanted for her _and _the baby.

With a positive pregnancy test and a sonogram picture of her six-week-old unborn baby, Ziva walked to her car and decided to spend that day as if nothing had happened.

She was in complete denial.


	3. Chapter 3

_Leaving Gibbs' house felt unreal. She was following a van that had Ari's body inside and two SUV's that escorted it. They were headed to the Israeli Embassy, where arrangements would be made to transport his body back to Israel, along with Ziva. When they got there, everything was complete chaos. Phones were ringing, people were talking rather loudly, Ziva was practically being interrogated by her own people and she was trying to avoid talking to her father. At least until she got to Tel Aviv. _

_It was now well past one in the morning when she decided she'd had enough. It had been a really long and exhausting day and the last thing she needed was to be overwhelmed by questions and autopsy reports and her father's voice echoing in her head. She needed to leave. As soon as possible._

_So she did._

_She started driving around a city she didn't know well enough. She drove around for about an hour before she found herself parking outside a certain very special NCIS agent's building. How had she gotten to his house? She had no idea. So she stayed in her car, trying to decide on whether she should go upstairs and knock on his door or just drive away to a hotel, as far away from the Embassy as possible. Again, without even thinking about it, she was out of her car and walking up the stairs to Tony's apartment. He had no clue she was coming._

_Tony was sitting on his couch, watching Magnum P.I and drinking wine. It had been a long couple of days for him, too, so he thought he deserved it. He was thinking about Kate and her funeral, which was two days away. SecNav had arranged for a flight to take the whole team to Indiana, where Kate was going to be buried. It was around three o'clock in the morning now and he couldn't sleep, not that he was lying in bed trying to, anyways. Just as his favorite part of the movie was about to begin, he heard the doorbell ring. At first, he decided to ignore it, thinking no one had the right to disturb someone at three o'clock in the morning. But when they insisted, he paused the movie and went to check. Out of all the people that could've visited him in the middle of the night, he was definitely not expecting her. Not in a million years._

"_Ziva? What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?" He was bothered by her presence and the fact that there appeared to be nothing she didn't know about him. He felt completely exposed and vulnerable._

"_Hey…. Can I come in? Please…" She'd been crying, so her eyes were still red and glassy. Tony felt sorry for her, so he let her in._

"_Alright…. Everything ok?" _

"_You have a nice apartment. Do you play the piano?" She was avoiding the question._

"_You're dodging my question, ZIva. Is everything alright?"_

"_Well, considering Ari died a few hours ago, the fact that I just drove through town after practically having been kept prisoner at the Israeli Embassy and not really knowing where to go or what to do, I'd say no, Tony. I don't think things are alright" She didn't want to break in front of him because she knew he was hurting, too._

"_I'm sorry" He stayed quiet. Never really knew how to deal with emotional women. "Would you like a glass of wine?" he may not know how to deal with emotional women, but he knew wine couldn't hurt._

"_Sure, thanks. Look, if I'm interrupting something or…" Her voice was breaking, so she had to stop talking. He noticed, but didn't say anything._

"_No, you're not. I was just watching a movie I've already seen a million times. Don't worry." He was in pain, but he knew she had a lot on her plate, as well. He saw her kind of confused and overwhelmed and he started to get worried. He was not seeing the strong-willed, fierce woman he'd met just twenty hours ago; instead, he saw a vulnerable, exhausted and broken young lady, completely alone in an unfamiliar town. He handed her the glass of wine and sat opposite her on the couch. "Hey, sit down. Would you like to talk about it?"_

_She looked surprised at his offer. "I wouldn't even know where to start. I just needed to get away from everyone. Couldn't go back to Gibbs' and, since I don't know anyone else, I somehow ended up here. Sorry about that."_

"_No problem." Tony immediately knew that she was the keep-things-bottled-up-inside kind of person, so he knew he was the one who had to start a conversation. "She was one of my best friends, you know. Kate, I mean. She was a good person" Suddenly, Tony realized by the look in her eyes that Ziva felt guilty and responsible about her death and nothing he could say would make her feel any different._

"_I know and I am sorry she had to die. It is not fair to you, the team or her family." She really was truly sorry and Tony could see that. "I know you do not want to hear this or won't even believe me, but Ari was a good person, too... Was. After what he did, I realize I should have seen this coming after some of the things he was being accused of back at Mossad. But he really was a nice guy. He was funny and sweet. Acted like a father all the time. He was a very overprotective person and never missed any of my school recitals. He was always on my side when my father blamed me for something... Just like you are sad for your best friend dying, it saddens me to know that I won't ever get to see my brother again. And I don't even know how to begin to deal with that, Tony" As she finished talking with an already broken voice, a single tear rolled down her cheek. That's when Tony saw the real Ziva: a sweet, loving and sensitive woman who had to put up walls to protect herself from being hurt. _

_What happened next caught them both off-guard. Tony sat next to her and pulled her into a hug. A hug both of them desperately needed. At first, she resisted a bit, but then gave in and got comfortable in his arms. Tony felt weird at first, but, after a while, it all seemed natural and just right. They both fit perfectly in each other's embrace._

_After talking nonstop about life, death, friends and family, they realized how late, or rather early, it had gotten. Ziva arrived at Tony's at three in the morning. It was a little past five and she had to be at the airport at noon, so she had to get some sleep before that. She wanted to leave, but they'd been drinking, so it wasn't really safe for her to drive under the influence, especially with her driving skills. _

"_I should probably get going, Tony. Thank you for letting me in." She was feeling a little better now, but she was beyond exhausted at this point._

"_Hey… You've drunk a little too much. You can't drive like that. You could get into an accident and injure someone or worse… You can crash in my bed and I'll sleep on the couch" He was just being nice. He had no idea what would happen within the next half-hour._

"_I don't think that's—" She was interrupted by Tony, who grabbed her by the arm just as she had started to walk away from him. He wanted her to stay. _

"_Please… I don't want anything to happen to you"_

_With that, she nodded and went to his room to lie in his bed. Tony gave him one of his old OSU t-shirts for her to wear for the night and then left the room. He would take the couch and in the morning, she'd leave to Israel and he'd catch a plane to Indiana for Kate's funeral the day after that. They'd never see each other again. Or so they thought. _

_After lying in their respective beds for half an hour without being able to sleep, he went to where she was, to check on her. A wide-awake Ziva was shocked by Tony's "visit" and even more so when he sat next to her in bed. She just looked at him, without saying a word, not even trying to cover herself. They were both too tired to care about what the other thought and so they just lay there, next to each other and looking into the other's eyes. They couldn't look away, even though they both knew that what could potentially happen if they didn't look away would be a gigantic mistake on so many levels. But they couldn't help it. _

"_Can't sleep, huh? I have the same problem" At this, Ziva gave him a tiny smile, which Tony thought was the cutest thing he'd ever seen her wear. With a bit of hesitation, Tony tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and got closer to her, all the while keeping his eyes locked on hers. Again, she didn't even flinch. She wanted, needed, this as much as he did. The closer to her he got the faster her heart beat. Until he finally kissed her, then it stopped completely. It caught her by surprise, but at the same time it didn't. The kiss, she thought, was soft and gentle, just like his touch. When he pulled back, she looked at him with such an innocent look that Tony's heart melted. And then she kissed him and he thought that was one of the best kisses he'd ever had. Before they knew it, clothes were on the floor and they were making love. The kind of love that was passionate and intense for all the wrong reasons. The kind of love that was the result of a tragic loss and deep sorrow. The kind of love that would change their lives forever._


	4. Chapter 4

Now at Mossad to start her day at work, she tried to avoid her father at all cost. She was distracted, lost in her own thoughts and, since she'd been crying a little in her car, her eyes could give her away. She would try to keep this a secret from him for as long as she could or until she could find a decent, logical and believable way to explain this to her father. But she kept coming up empty.

As the hours passed, her nausea-free morning started to change. She felt sick pretty much with anything she smelled: from the sweetest of things to the most disgusting ones. She felt like she was going to throw up every minute, even though she'd only had tea and nothing else. She felt dizzy if she stood up too fast, or too slow, she could be walking down the hall and feel the walls move around her, then she'd have to stop for a minute, take a deep breath and pretend nothing had happened. It was a nightmare, something she didn't think she deserved. But then she remembered all she'd done over the years and she'd say she deserved no less.

It was about two o'clock when Ziva decided to take a 15-minute "power nap" on the couch in her office. Her "power-nap" ended up lasting forty-five minutes, and it would've lasted more had her father not walked in.

"I don't pay you to sleep on the job, Ziva!" He was raising his voice, but Ziva was just waking up, so she didn't really notice.

"Actually, you don't really pay me that much. You say that because I'm your daughter, it's my _duty _to work for you" She wanted a raise. She _needed _a raise after the news she'd just gotten.

"Still, paycheck or no paycheck, you have the night to get some sleep. I don't want you to take naps while you work! Are we clear, Officer David?" Eli was angry now. He knew she wasn't taking this seriously.

"Yes, sir" There were not many things Ziva was afraid of. But her father definitely _was _one of them. Seeing him angry terrified her and she'd do anything to keep him from blowing off.

"You look tired" He was calm now. At least calm enough to notice she wasn't feeling well.

"Uhm… Yes. I did not get a good night sleep. Nightmares. You know how it is." She was lying through her teeth but it was better than telling the truth.

"Ok. Well, get a good night sleep tonight. If you have to take something, go ahead. I don't want to see you sleeping on your couch ever again." He really didn't care about her. About his own daughter. And the sad thing is, she knew at some point he had, but that'd changed.

"Yes, sir" There's that answer again. Like a robot, just as he had trained her. But she couldn't take anything, not for the next nine months, anyways. So she'd have to pretend. "Great!" She thought after Eli left, "one more thing to lie about".

That night, she got to her house and went to her kitchen to see if she got hungry. She hadn't had anything to eat all day and she knew she needed to eat something solid, not just tea and water. She looked in the fridge, but there was nothing that woke her appetite. She thought of making a sandwich, but the smell of ham made her sick and she figured she wouldn't be able to eat it. Finally, after looking in every nook and cranny of her kitchen, she found graham crackers and she decided to eat some mostly because it was probably the only thing that didn't make her nauseous.

After having a handful of crackers and a cup of hot tea, Ziva decided it was time to rest, since it had been long day and a rollercoaster of emotions. She drew herself a hot bath to relax and have time to think about the future, hers and her baby's. She remembered that when she was on her way to Tel Aviv, she found something in her jacket: Tony had slipped his phone number and email with a note that simply said, "if you ever need to talk, you know what to do. T". She'd kept it just in case and was wondering if now would be a good time to use it. But then again, she couldn't just call a guy she'd known for a less than two days and tell him she was pregnant with his child; after all, she hadn't talked to him in six weeks and had no idea what was going on in his life right now. Ziva was well aware that this could ruin his life, especially if she wasn't going to travel back to D.C to raise the baby with him.

"Things happen for a reason" she thought, while getting in bed for the night. She believed with every inch of her body, mind and soul that there was a reason behind everything that happened in anybody's life, so why would this be any different? "The things you experience in your life happen because you're supposed to learn something from them, whether it is to be strong, to fight, to keep moving on or to be open to start a new chapter in your life. You can't fight them. The only choice you have is to embrace them". This was one of the things her wise mother used to tell her and she wanted her son or daughter to remember this because one day it would help him or her overcome a bad experience and move on. It was her turn now, though, to figure out what to make of the "state" she was in and, without much effort, she fell asleep. Tomorrow would be a new day.


	5. Chapter 5

_Right after making love, they fell asleep next to each other, cuddling like a couple that's been together for years. Again, it felt right. He was holding her, with one arm under her head, which she was using as a pillow and the other around her waist. She was curled up in ball, fitting perfectly in his not-so-curled-up position. One of her hands was holding the one he had on her waist, while the other one was stretched out. She had set her alarm to go off at 8:45 am, thinking she would've gotten a full-night sleep by then. Truth is, after what happened that night she only got a little more than two hours of sleep. _

_Her alarm woke them both up. As exhausted as she was, she sat up and looked at a sleepy Tony. He had his eyes still closed but was awake enough to tell her to go back to sleep. She grabbed from the floor the OSU t-shirt she'd worn briefly just a few hours ago and put it on, while she tossed Tony his underwear for him to put on._

"_I am sorry I woke you, Tony. I forgot about my alarm" She still had a sluggish voice._

"_It's alright. I can go back to sleep later. Director Shepard gave us the day off, so…" he still refused to open his eyes, something Ziva found extremely cute. "Stay a little longer, c'mon…" _

"_I can't, Tony. My flight leaves at three and I have to be at the airport at noon. It's almost nine and I have to shower, pick up my things from the hotel and report to the Embassy. I won't make it if I stay. I'm sorry…." She wanted to stay and just be with him._

"_Alright. Just give me a minute to get dressed and I'll come with you to the airport…. If that's ok with you"_

"_Sure. I'm going to take a shower, so I'll be ready in about an hour. Will you wait?" Ziva asked, not sure if he really wanted to come with her or was just being nice._

"_Yeah, I'll wait…." Apparently, he wanted to come._

_Ziva was a bit confused about what had happened and all the feelings that had been unburied. She knew sleeping with an American agent was a mistake and she thought the morning after would be filled with awkwardness and trying to get out of there as soon as possible without exchanging a single word with this beautiful human being. Beautiful in every way, she thought. But things weren't as she'd expected. It was as if this was one of the hundreds of mornings they'd shared together. And, frankly, she didn't want it to end. _

_After she got out of the shower, she followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen. Tony's kitchen was mainly white with black and silver appliances, the classis single man's kitchen. He barely had a pan and a kettle, not really much food lying around and even less in the fridge. They shared a cup of coffee, talking about anything except what had happened the night before, because as great as it had been for both of them, it still was an uncomfortable thing to talk about._

"_Great coffee, thanks"_

"_You're welcome. You're going to stop at your hotel first, right?" _

"_Uhm… Yeah. I have to pick up my bag and then I'll head to the airport. You still want to come? She didn't want him to feel forced._

"_Yeah"_

"_Why?" After all that'd happened, she didn't understand why he would want to say goodbye. She wasn't used to it, people usually walked away._

"_Why?" He was surprised by her question and a little offended. "Because I asked you and you said it was ok… Do you not want me to come?"_

"_No, I do…. It's just… After what Ari did I wasn't expecting you to be so nice. No one's ever been so kind to me after finding out the kind of person I am and what I do for a living" Ziva was a strong, confident woman but when it came to people loving her or caring for her, her self-esteem dropped to the floor._

"_I know what you do. You're a trained assassin; you kill people for a living. And before last night, I thought that's what you were, too. I thought that's all you were. But I was wrong. You're a sweet, sensitive person who's probably been through hell and whose father couldn't have been of much help when you tried to get back up after a fall" He was being as honest as he could be._

"_Thank you" She looked at him and showed him a sad smile. Few people would've been nice to her in a situation like this._

_On their way to her hotel, with him driving her rented car, Ziva contemplated on telling Tony the truth about Ari's death. Given the amount of trust they had developed in one night, she was almost certain he wouldn't say anything if she were to tell him what had really happened. She couldn't take the chance of telling him and then one day, if he was angry enough, having him report it to his director or worse, her father. Once at her hotel, they both went up to her room to get her bags. That's when the truth just came out of her mouth. Like a criminal confessing her crime out of guilt. Like a person confessing her sin to a priest and expecting forgiveness._

"_Tony…. I need to tell you something. Something that might make you regret sleeping with me last night…" She sounded hesitant, and he looked scared of what she might have to say…._

"_What's going on? You sound dead serious" _

"_Promise me you won't tell anyone…." She was begging him to keep her secret._

"_I promise" He had no idea what was coming._

"_When Gibbs shot Ari, I… I was in his house. I was Gibbs' backup. Ari wanted to shoot Gibbs and make it look like he'd killed himself. But I stopped him. I… uh… I had to kill him…" Ziva wasn't looking at him, but when she finally looked up, she saw disbelief, confusion and disappointment in his eyes. It broke her heart._

"_You… You killed your own brother…" He was trying to process what had just come out of her mouth._

"_Yes" She practically cut him off._

"… _To protect someone you'd known for a day?" _

"_Yes. I guess you can put it that way. I'm really sorry." She was so nervous and scared of his reaction that she was shaking a bit._

"_I don't know how to feel about that. On one hand, you killed your own brother. What kind of person does that? But on the other, you saved the live of someone who was a complete stranger to you…" Tony started pacing around the room, trying to figure out whether he should feel angry and pissed off or a bit proud for such a big act of selflessness._

"_I just couldn't let Ari hurt more people than he already had. It is better for one person to suffer the loss of a loved one than for entire families. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, all I know is that I chose to be that person" She was surprisingly calm._

_Pride. That's what Tony felt about what she'd done. He was proud. He didn't know how to say what he was feeling, so he got close to her. Dangerously close. Close enough to make her heart start racing, not knowing if he was going to hurt her or not. She took a step back, just in case, but Tony reacted and grabbed her arm. She couldn't tell what he was feeling until he leaned in and got even closer to her face. Her heart skipped a beat. His was beating twice as fast. Looking right into her eyes, he kissed her gently, letting her know how he felt without saying a word. She was taken aback, thinking this is not what she expected him to do, not that she was complaining. Because she wasn't; in fact, she found herself kissing him back. _

"_Wow… Uhm… I didn't see that coming…." That was Ziva's reaction when they broke apart. _

"_Yeah… Me neither… Sorry" Tony was a little embarrassed._

"_Don't be, it's ok. I'll go to the bathroom and then we can leave for the airport, ok?" She smiled at him, trying to not make the situation more awkward than it already was._

"_Alright. I'll be here" he smiled back at her._

_While she was in the bathroom, he couldn't stop thinking about her and the night they'd spent together. He knew she was vulnerable and sensitive and might need someone to talk to at some point, so he took out one of his NCIS cards from his wallet and wrote his phone number and email on the back and slipped it into her jacket. A couple of minutes later, Ziva came out of the bathroom and they set off for the airport, thinking they'd never see each other again._


	6. Chapter 6

Every day for the next six weeks was a constant battle between hiding her pregnancy from her father and making up excuses for her sudden dizzy spells, nausea and exhaustion. But Ziva knew that she would start growing a baby bump really soon and people would start wondering. At first, they could think she was just putting on some weight, but her belly would start growing and, eventually, it would become obvious that she was pregnant. One good day, she decided to have that conversation with her father, so she went to visit him to the apartment she'd once lived in as a child.

She knocked on the door of her father's place without having some sort of plan as to how she would start the conversation. She was going to improvise as she went along and according to her father's reaction.

"Ziva! What are you doing here?" He was apparently in a good mood, which played in her favor.

"Hello, Abba. Can I come in? There's something I need to tell you" She was very serious, mostly because she was concerned.

"Sure. Everything OK?"

"Yes… Well, no. Depends on how you want to see it."

"You're scaring me, Ziva. What's going on?" Eli wasn't the type of person to get easily concerned, but her tone of voice was starting to make him feel that way.

"I'm… pregnant" As she didn't know how to sugarcoat it, she thought being straightforward would be a good idea.

"You're what?!" Eli was pissed off. He couldn't believe his daughter could be so irresponsible and careless. "How far along are you? Who the hell is the father?" He was raising his voice now.

"I'm… uh… three months along. Barely. And as for who the father is, I'd rather not say."

"Oh no. You're going to tell me who the hell got you pregnant. You're not getting away with this, Ziva! Are you going to keep it?"

"Yes, Abba. I'm having this child, whether you like it or not. And no, I'm not going to tell you who the father is and I want you to respect that" She wasn't going to put her foot down. Not this time.

"Three months ago you were in D.C. _Please_ don't tell me you slept with an American" He was smart and she realized she hadn't thought this through as much as she should've.

Ziva couldn't say anything. She just stared at him, not being able to get the words, _"why yes, father, I did sleep with an American agent" _out of her mouth_, _but not being capable of denying it, either. She was expecting her father to kind of look into her eyes and just _know_ that he was right, this way she wouldn't have to say it out loud. Because saying it out loud would make it real, not just for her father, but for her as well. And that's something she wasn't ready for. Her father didn't say a word. Being the kind of man that he was, he was determined to find out who the father of that baby was, even if it was the last thing he did.

"Leave" He was kind of whispering, which was much more intimidating than if he'd been raising his voice.

"Abba…" She didn't want to leave without being on good terms with her father, but Ziva knew that making him even angrier right now was not a very good idea.

"I said leave, Ziva"

Ziva nodded and found her way to the door, leaving her father angry, confused and disappointed. Being hormonal and not able to control her feelings was bad enough, but seeing the I-can't-believe-you-did-this look in her father's eyes just made everything worse. She was having a hard time coming to terms with her pregnancy and Tony being the father and now she had to add dealing with her own father to that bittersweet mix.

She went home after a very long and exhausting day that seemed to have lasted twice as much as it really did. After a warm bath, she gabbed her clothes to get dressed. In front of the mirror and before slipping into her t-shirt, she looked at her belly, which was starting to grow, little by little. She saw the small baby bump and put her hand on it, caressing the tiny human being that was growing inside her and that would soon start kicking. She smiled at the thought of the whole thing, from finding out the sex to painting the nursery, buying teeny tiny clothes and giving birth. For the first time since she found out she was expecting, she was truly happy and excited. She couldn't wait. That night, she slept like a baby, for the lack of a better word, and dreamt of her own.

A couple of months passed and pretty soon everyone knew about Ziva's pregnancy, whether they'd heard about it or saw her with her now obvious pregnant belly. No one could assume she was fat anymore, mostly because she was five months along.

Saturday morning was a special day for her and her baby: it was the day Ziva would find out the sex of her unborn child. She'd go to Dr. Ebbs' practice, the same doctor she had gone to for her first sonogram. This time, the car ride was filled with joy and music, a very different environment than the one she was surrounded by when she went to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. When Ziva walked into Dr. Ebbs' office, she was glowing, like every pregnant woman, and the doctor saw a very different person than the one who had first visited her a few months ago. She saw a mother-to-be.

"Hey, Ziva. I can't help but notice the smile on your face" The doctor was happy to see that Ziva had finally made a choice regarding her pregnancy. "How are you feeling this morning? Nausea gone?

"Yeah, it's gone. Thank you! I'm really excited about finding out the sex of the baby" Ziva didn't even try to hide the grin that was forming in her face.

"Ok, then. Let's see" The doctor looked at the screen, looking for the baby's sex and, after a while, she found it. "Well, it took me a while because _she _is upside down" The doctor smiled.

"_She? _As in "it's a girl" she?" Tears of joy began forming on Ziva's eyes.

"Yes. You're having a girl. Congratulations!" Dr. Ebbs was very happy to see Ziva excited.

"Oh my God… Wow!" She was speechless, but this time due to extreme satisfaction and just plain bliss. "Thank you so much".

"There's nothing to thank. I'm happy to help. So, why don't you put your t-shirt back on while I get you a picture of your little girl, ok? I'll be right back".

After about 10 minutes, the doctor came back with a picture of Ziva's sonogram, where she could clearly see the baby. _Her _baby.

* * *

><p><em>Now at the airport, Ziva and Tony stood face-to-face just before she had to board the plane. They were looking into each other's eyes because that's all they could do. For them, this was their drug. It was intoxicating and addicting and impossible to quit. It was what got them attracted to each other in the first place, the look in the other's eyes when they were staring at each other. And right now, it was the perfect way to say goodbye. But at some point, they would actually have to say the words and break the silence. And Tony was the one to do it.<em>

"_Do you regret it?" His voice was soft and he was almost whispering. He needed to know before she left._

"_Regret….. what?" She knew what he was talking about, but chose to dodge the subject. Toney gave her an "_oh really?" _look and she had no choice but to answer his question. "No, Tony. I don't. I don't know if I should or not, but I don't have any regrets. Whatsoever."_

"_Good. Neither do I" He was relieved to hear those words come out of her mouth. It would've been awful to have to live with the burden of regretting something like that._

_Over the speakerphone, they heard her flight being called to board the plane. As sad as they were to say goodbye, they knew that it was better than to have people find out about them. And once again, the word "goodbye" was never spoken._

_As Ziva turned around and started to walk away, Tony grabber her by the arm, pulled her close to him and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "Something to remember me by" he said with a sad smile on his face. "See you in another lifetime, Tony" she whispered. They would miss each other more than they cared to admit. More than they realized. Tony stayed at the airport, after he watched her walk away, for a good two hours until he was sure her flight had taken off. He was a little embarrassed to admit that a very small part of him was expecting to see she hadn't boarded the plane because she wanted to stay with him. _

_But that didn't happen. So he turned around and left. And with every step he took, he left the memories behind. The smell of her hair. The look in her eyes. The way her body fit perfectly into his. The way they'd made love and how right it'd felt despite the circumstances. And last but not least, the gorgeous smile on her face that lit up his world. It was all gone now._

_Meanwhile, on the plane, Ziva kept looking out the window, as if staring at the sky would somehow make him appear and make her feel better. It was a twelve-hour flight, one she would most likely spend half asleep, dreaming about him, and them; and half awake, thinking about him and remembering that beautiful night._

_Ziva David has always been one to keep things to herself. She's a very private person, especially when it comes to relationships and feelings. Although she has no problem laughing when she's happy, when she's hurt, sad, or angry, she closes off and refuses to let anyone see her shed a tear. She bottles up her emotions and pushes the deep down, locking them away. "If people see you cry, they'll think you're weak, take advantage of it and then use it against you", those words echoed in her mind. Words she grew up listening from her father. Words she'll never forget. And this was one of the things she'd have to keep to herself. Her night with Tony. She knew, they both did, that if anyone found out about their affair, it could become an international incident. If known, the best-case scenario for Tony would be getting fired from NCIS; the worst, being arrested and maybe even charged with treason for sleeping with a foreign operative. In Ziva's case, if her father found out, he might try to take advantage of it. He might try to send her back to D.C to reconnect with Tony in an attempt to get information, sort of like posing as a double agent. And Ziva wouldn't let that happen. _

_So, twelve hours went by. Some passed very fast. Some others seemed to last for an eternity, until she landed in Tel-Aviv. It was hot, too hot. When she got off the plane, an SUV was ready to escort her to Mossad, where she would be debriefed, again. She would have to spill her guts and take a polygraph to show she was telling the truth, which would prove to be a difficult task, given the many secrets she was keeping. This debriefing included talking to her father and telling him everything that happened in D.C, leaving out her night with Tony and hoping her father wouldn't catch her in a lie._

_It was about 5am and instead of being asleep in her own bed after a very long flight and a hell of a week, she was in her father's office, at Mossad, waiting for him. _

"_Good morning, Ziva" Her father sounded serious, but not angry. "I hope you had a nice flight"_

"_Good morning, Abba" She sounded exhausted and it showed in her voice. "It was long and I didn't get much sleep"_

"_Ok, then. The faster we do this, the sooner you'll be able to go home and get some rest" He was pushing her and manipulating her into telling him everything with the cheap excuse of "if you don't tell me what I want to know, we'll be here all day"._

"_I don't know what else you need to know. Or what else you want me to tell you. I already told everything that happened to the officer at the Israeli Embassy in D.C and they have the files to prove it." She was a bit angry because she could see her father didn't trust her._

"_You could start by telling me what the hell happened to your brother! I sent you there to protect him and convince them that he wasn't guilty of whatever he was being accused of. All you did was bring him back in a body bag!" He father was raising his voice now. If he got angry, she knew there would be no turning back._

"_Well, Abba, he __**did**__ kill an American agent. And I didn't believe it when I first arrived, but agent Gibbs kept showing me evidence that led right back to him. I tried to protect him, but there was only so much I could do"_

"_You didn't try hard enough" Nothing was ever enough for Eli David._

_At this point, Ziva was tired and sad that she'd had to leave behind the good, sweet and kind man she'd been with the night before. So hearing those words from her father broke her. Few things had that effect on her, but when it came to her father, he somehow always managed to find a way to bring her down. He knew exactly which buttons to press. She felt guilty, like she could've done something more but just gave up on her brother. Had she not been in the emotional state she was in at that moment, she would've dismissed those words, like she always did. But she was, and she didn't. She couldn't. So, instead of standing up for herself, she looked him in the eyes, got up and left the room. Without saying a word. She was quite proud of herself._

"_Ziva! Do not walk away from me!" Eli was yelling at the top of his lungs. To no success._


	7. Chapter 7

After a long period of reminiscing how and why it all started, she concluded that the only thing that brought her was sorrow. She didn't want to feel bad about having a baby, she wanted to be happy, and all those memories about her brother and how he died and hearing from her father that she wasn't good enough just made her feel worse. So she decided to let that go and focus on herself and her daughter. So, after leaving Dr. Ebbs' office, she figured it was time to start shopping –or at least window shopping- for her baby. She was looking for cribs, pink outfits, diapers, formula, stuffed animals and a car seat, taking notes of the prices to know how much money she'd need. Although she was happy to be doing this, she regretted the fact that Tony wasn't there with her, especially knowing that he probably would enjoy it as much as she was.

When Ziva got home, she began cleaning the soon-to-be nursery, which was now empty. She wanted to pick a spot for everything she would buy, from where to put the crib to where to hang pictures of mommy. She had already bought some things, like drawers and some unisex baby clothes she had acquired before learning about the sex of her baby. When she went to grab them form her closet, she noticed a white piece of paper sticking out of one of her jacket pockets. It happened to be the same jacket she'd worn the day she'd left the airport. The exact same jacket she had found Tony's card with his phone number in. She instantly knew that the piece of paper _was_ Tony's business card, so she grabbed it and stared at it, specifically at his phone number. She thought about calling and telling him the truth, telling him that she was pregnant with _his_ daughter. That thought lasted for about 20 seconds. While she wasn't willing to throw the card away, she wasn't about to use it, either. Ziva decided that the wisest thing to do was to put it in the safe she kept hidden in her closet, so that it wouldn't end up in the wrong hands, like her father's.

As the weeks went by, her belly kept growing and growing, and completing the simplest of tasks at Mossad was getting harder and harder to do. She was now about seven months along and was thinking about asking her father for time off, but was reluctant to do so because she knew he would say no unless it was absolutely necessary. But even driving to work was a challenge and she was worried that, because of the size of her belly, something could happen. Ziva and Eli hadn't been in the best of terms since she told him she was pregnant; in fact, they only talked when there was no other choice. She needed her maternity leave to start right away, so she gathered up the courage to go see her father, knowing the chances of getting a positive answer were pretty slim.

"Abba? May I come in?" Ziva was whispering and had a dry tone of voice.

"Yes. Come in" His tone was also dry and blatant.

"I would like to start my maternity leave as soon as possible, please. I want to take better care of myself, in order to have a healthy baby" She was worried that if she was under too much stress, the baby might be affected by it.

"Maternity leave? What maternity leave? You only get two months off: one before the baby is born and one after. You'll get you maternity leave next month" He wasn't even looking at her.

"Well, then I want to take a vacation"

"Ha! Vacation? This isn't America, Ziva. Now get back to work." For some twisted reason, Eli found her request funny.

"Look, Abba, I need the time off. I don't care if it's not a paid vacation, I just want the time off."

"I said no. Now, please leave. I'm busy" Still, no eye contact.

Ziva stared at her father in disbelief. She couldn't understand how a person could be so insensitive towards his own pregnant daughter. She was sick of it. Sick of the indifference, of the manipulation, the lies, the excuses. Sick of everything. So, once more, she made yet another choice that would change her life –and her daughter's- forever. She resigned.

Back in her office, Ziva started pondering the decision she'd made. Had she been impulsive? Or had she made the right decision? Was this the right time to start defying her father and standing up for herself, in the middle of her pregnancy and when she needed the money the most? "Whatever the reason is…" she thought, "I know it's for the best". Within half an hour, she was ready to leave her life as a Mossad officer and start her new life as a mother.

The hardest part about being pregnant wasn't having to deal with her father being disappointed and angry. It was having to be pregnant without Tony. Without the guy that she was sure she could trust the most, the guy she knew wouldn't leave her alone during the hard times. She would have wanted him to be there for the important moments throughout her pregnancy: the positive pregnancy stick, the first sonogram, feeling the baby moving, learning about the sex of the baby and decorating the nursery. She was happy to be embracing this new experience, but she wanted the father of her baby to be embracing it with her. So, ever since she found Tony's card in her jacket, she'd been thinking about calling or e-mailing him just so she could come clean and tell him the whole truth once and for all. But every time she was about to pick up the phone or press send, she got cold feet, thinking of all the possible ways it could go wrong. He could be dating someone else; he could regret the night they spent together, or worse, think of it as just a one-night stand and have no interest in her or the baby, at all. She was afraid that if she did tell him the truth, he'd say he didn't want to be a father or be part of the baby's life. She preferred living not knowing if he would be okay with it than being rejected by the one guy she could have easily fallen in love with.


	8. Chapter 8

Now at home and unemployed, she began contemplating the possibility if finding something else, to make some extra money. Maybe work from home, or something that didn't require too much effort. She figured she could make ends meet with the money she had saved in the bank and once her daughter was born, she'd either return to Mossad or find a new job. When she was ready.

After about a month of unemployment and being stuck at her house, Ziva felt her life was moving faster. She found herself running against the clock, despite having the nursery ready, everything already childproofed, and a bag ready to grab when she had to go to the hospital to deliver her baby. Still, as _the _day got closer and closer, she couldn't help but feel that she was forgetting to do something and, eventually, she started questioning her own abilities as a mother. So when she went on early labor at just 36 weeks, she panicked, not knowing what to do in spite of the fact that she'd rehearsed it and talked to her doctor about it. Drowning in pain and fear, she called Dr. Ebbs to ask her what to do.

"Dr. Ebbs? It's Ziva. I know it's late but I'm pretty sure I'm in labor!" Ziva's voice was shaky and almost broken. She was terrified, as most first-time moms are.

"Ziva, listen to me. Don't panic, okay? It's going to be all right. I want you to grab your bag and take a cab to the hospital. I'll meet you there. Can you do that for me?" Dr. Ebbs was calm, mostly because she wanted to keep Ziva calm. She knew that panic could lead to stress and that wouldn't be good for the baby.

"Uh… yeah, I… I can do that" She had tears in her eyes, some of them from the pain, some others from the fear.

"Okay, then. I'll see you there. You'll be able to hold your daughter in your arms really soon."

What Ziva hoped would be an easy delivery, turned out to be more painful than what she was expecting. She was in a lot of pain and, after a while and the highest dose of medication they could give a woman her age and size, there was only so much the doctors could do for her. All there was left to do was wait until she was fully dilated. After 8 long, excruciating hours, Ziva finally started to push. She was alone, though, with no one there to hold her hands or tell her she was doing great. No one there to tell her how it would all be over soon or to remind her that in a few more minutes she'd be able to hold her baby. All she could see and hear were the nurses whispering about the standard protocol for the delivery of premature babies, where they'd have to take them and what to check for once they were born, like heart rate, fluids in their lungs and their breathing. A partner, boyfriend or husband is supposed to ease those fears. But she had no one. No partner. No boyfriend. No husband… No Tony.

Finally, her baby was here. And then she wasn't, just like that, because the baby was a bit premature and they'd had to take her away. She didn't get to hold her or place her on her chest, but she got to kiss her on the forehead and that's when it finally hit her: she was a _mom_ now.

A few hours after the doctors took Ziva's daughter away, doctor Ebbs walked in and started asking her some follow-up questions.

"Hey Ziva! How are you feeling?"

"Hello, Dr. Ebbs! Well, aside from a bit of pain and soreness, I am all right. I am a little worried about my daughter. I would like to know if she's ok" Ziva was concerned that there could be something wrong with her baby.

"Well, that's why I'm here, to give you an update. Your daughter was born 4 week ahead of schedule and it's protocol to take premature babies to the neonatal ICU to make sure they're ok. We make sure they don't have trouble breathing, that they're not underweight or underdeveloped. Fortunately for you and your daughter, she was born _just _4 weeks early, which means she's a bit small, but otherwise ok. The more premature a baby is, the more complications they present." She didn't want to worry Ziva for nothing.

"Oh, that's wonderful! Thank you. Will I be able to see her soon?"

"Let me see what I can do about that, ok?"

"All right. Thank you again"

The doctor smiled at Ziva before walking away and Ziva smiled back. About fifteen minutes after their conversation, doctor Ebbs walked in with Ziva's daughter in her arms and her eyes widened at the sight. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. As soon as she held her in her own arms, she noticed her little girl's resemblance to her father. She barely had any hair and the bit she had was platinum blonde. Ziva only got a glimpse of the baby's eyes right after she was born and they seemed to be kind of green, just like her dad's. There was no point in denying it anymore. It was rather obvious that her daughter's father was most likely _not _Israeli and this would confirm Eli's suspicions: Ziva _did_ sleep with and American agent during her time in D.C about nine months ago.

But none of this mattered to her now because she was holding the fruit of a night with a wonderful man. A man who saw her as more than just a killer. A man who didn't judge her, who listened to what she had to say, to her side of the story and actually paid attention. A man she would've liked to get to know better. A man she knew she could be happy with.

In Ziva's arms laid a brand new life that was the best of both of them.

"What are you going to name her, Ziva?" the doctor asked, trying to make small talk. Ziva looked up at her with teary eyes and met the doctor's own. With a barely audible whisper –because she was in the verge of tears and something louder would've made her start sobbing- Ziva managed to say _"Sarah". _

Just a couple of days after giving birth, Ziva was discharged from the hospital with her newborn daughter. She still had Dr. Ebbs' number and a promise to call her if she had any questions or any trouble at all.

The first few days at home with her newborn baby, Ziva _chose _not to sleep much because she was worried that something might go wrong and that she wouldn't be awake to solve the issue. After the first week, though, she couldn't take surviving on 3 hours of sleep per night anymore, so instead of putting Sarah down to sleep in the nursery, she bought a bassinet so she could have the baby sleep with her in her room. Luckily for Ziva, Sarah was a good baby because she didn't wake up much at night. She'd read that some babies could wake up every couple of hours each night for a bottle or just to be held, but not Sarah. But she was still a newborn, nonetheless. Every night Ziva got up to change her or hold her once or twice, but she knew it would get better. As the weeks passed, Ziva was still in awe of how perfect her daughter was and how much she could love someone so small so very much. She was also very amazed at how much a baby could look like a man she barely even knew.

By the time Sarah celebrated her first month on Earth, Ziva had already gotten her ears pierced and had had to buy almost a whole new set of clothes because her daughter was growing at the speed of light. Not that it surprised her. After all the books she'd read on the subject, she knew exactly what would happen day by day throughout the baby's first six months.

* * *

><p><strong>More chapters to come =)<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

Every once in a while, she would look at Sarah and just stare into her bright green eyes. And all she could see was Tony. These were the times when she thought about giving him a call, but the more time that passed, the more she told herself she couldn't just turn someone's life around so abruptly. So, every time she thought about calling him, she decided it would be better not to just as fast. There was another problem she had to face: whether or not to let her father meet Sarah. After how thing ended when she told him she was pregnant, she wasn't sure she wanted him to meet his granddaughter. But it was a dilemma for her. On one hand, it broke her heart knowing that Sarah would grow up without a granddad; it was bad enough that she would grow up without a father. On the other hand, she didn't want her daughter to be disappointed like she was growing up. She didn't want her to get hurt, but more importantly, she didn't want her father to raise Sarah believing that it was her _duty_ to become a Mossad Officer. Ziva had resigned for a reason.

One good day, though, Ziva was in a good mood and so was Sarah, now around two months old. They'd both spent the night sound asleep, the previous night having been one of the few when Sarah actually slept all night long, without waking up. So, on breakfast, Ziva decided it was time to do the unimaginable: take Sarah to meet her grandfather. It was more of an impulse, rather than a carefully thought and rational thing to do. She was like that and was praying to God her daughter turned out to be more patient.

So, being a Tuesday, she went to the last place she wanted to set foot in: Mossad Headquarters. But she figured that if she didn't go through with it that day, she might get cold feet and never do it again. It was now or never.

Walking inside felt really strange to her. She didn't flash her badge; instead she was given a visitor's pass. She wasn't carrying a gun, she was carrying a baby bag and pushing a stroller. People recognized her, but she wasn't Officer David, daughter of Director David; she was Ms. David, a civilian, but still the Director's daughter, so she was still treated with kid gloves. She went up to the 5th floor, where her father's office was, and stood in front of the closed door, staring at the sign with his name on it. She was trying to gather the courage to knock, knowing that she should expect to either be turned down or get hurt by his reaction to her little girl. As Ari had once told her "it is better to have low expectations, that way you can't get disappointed". So she knocked on the door.

"Come in" A dry tone, so typical of her father. He was probably working. Like always.

"Good morning, Abba" Ziva came in, pushing the stroller in front of her, so Sarah would be the first thing he saw. He stared at the baby, and the look in his eyes was exactly what Ziva was expecting. Utter indifference.

"Can I help you?" He didn't even look at her.

"Well, no, not really, but… don't you want to hold your granddaughter?" She was sad and felt like a fool for thinking her father would actually be excited about this.

"She's half American. The result of a one-night stand with an American man. An American Agent. That kid is a bastard. That was wrong, Ziva. That was _treason_. She is not my grandchild. And she never will be" Still not making eye contact.

Ziva was holding back the tears in her eyes. It killed her to know that her own father would be so heartless, so cold, but there was a part of her, however small, that wanted him to meet her daughter. At least once. So, fighting back the anger and pain, she managed to say one last thing.

"Don't you, at least, want to know her name?"

"I said I'm not interested. Now, if that's all you wanted, please leave. I am a very busy man"

"Yes, I know" With that, she walked away.

For a brief moment, after her father had basically thrown her out of his office, she felt empty inside. She felt like she was back to being the cold-hearted, soulless assassin he had trained. Because that's just how he made her feel. Ever since she was a little girl, he always made her feel like she was a burden, like she was interrupting his ever so busy day. And now, as a grown woman with a two-month old daughter, instead of felling like the luckiest person in the world, she was feeling like that abandoned little girl again. The one with impulse issues. The one with anger issues. With trust issues. With _daddy_ issues. And now, after this visit, she feared her daughter would turn out the same way.

Before going to visit her father, she had promised herself that if he turned her down, she would cut him off her life for good. That was the last chance she would ever give him to mend things between them. She was willing to forgive him for _everything_ if he could only love her daughter and be there for Sarah the way hadn't been there for her. But he couldn't do that. So Ziva kept her promise.

For the last few months, Ziva had been working some temp jobs to earn some money, now that she was not working at Mossad anymore. But now, she wanted more. She didn't care where she worked; she just wanted a stable paycheck. She wanted to get away from her father. She wanted to move to a new place. "New apartment, new memories", she thought. And she was right. But to do that, she needed money, not a lot, but enough to support her daughter and take on a mortgage. It was during times like these when she regretted not going to college.

When she started looking for jobs, there were a few that she would never take, no matter how good they were or how much money they paid her. Law enforcement was at the top of that list. It wasn't about not having to deal with her father, although that was a big part of the reason. It was about Sarah. Ziva was the only family Sarah had, and she was afraid that if something happened to her, Sarah would be left alone. Jobs that took most of her time were close second in Ziva's list. She didn't want to be away from home for 10 hours a day and only get to se her daughter very early when she woke up and at night when she had to put her to sleep. Ziva's list kept getting shorter and shorter, until she found the perfect job. It paid the bills, it was a steady paycheck, it was close to home and it had good hours. Starting Monday, Ziva would work as a secretary. It wasn't the perfect job, but the building where she worked had a daycare, and she'd be able to drop Sarah off in the morning. She would work from 9am to 5pm, with a one-hour lunch break, which she would use to feed her daughter. The money was good, at least good enough to pay the mortgage and buy diapers and formula for Sarah. It was a good start.


	10. Chapter 10

The next few months were challenging. There was a lot to do and she didn't have enough hands to get it done. Her entire life she'd been either at the Israeli Army or at Mossad and that's all she really knew how to do; so working as a secretary was a whole new world for her. She had to learn new skills and she was happy about the fact that her job description didn't require her to kill anybody. She mostly had to answer phones, write emails and print and send letters to whomever she was asked to. It was a calm environment, a safe place to work and something she would be proud to tell her daughter about. She didn't want Sarah to know that her mommy had worked at Mossad and she definitely didn't want her to know _what_ she did at Mossad. So now that Ziva wasn't a part of Mossad anymore, she would be more than happy to explain to her daughter what she did for a living.

Every day, Ziva woke up at six a.m., she'd get showered and have breakfast and then she'd have enough time to spend with Sarah. She would wake her daughter up at around seven a.m., feed her, change her and then go to work. At noon, Ziva would go down to the daycare facility and feed Sarah and spend some time with her. Then, at around five, she would pick her up and they'd go home together. She would give her a bath, change her into her onesie, feed her and then put her down to bed. It had become a routine, and it was perfect. It was something Ziva had always said she'd avoid at all cost, but now, it was everything she'd ever wanted. Happiness.

With her new job and her new hours, she had enough time to be with Sarah, who was getting bigger and bigger by the day. She couldn't believe her daughter was already five months old, but what's more, she couldn't believe she'd been a secretary for about three months. Nevertheless, she still had to find a new place, because she was more than determined to move into a new apartment. She was looking for something not too expensive, but big enough for the both of them. After all, she was on a budget. She ended up finding the perfect place: it was a beautiful apartment with two and a half bedrooms, two baths, it was an open-layout sort or place, it was in the third floor and in a very safe neighborhood. She couldn't have been happier with it, and, although it was just a bit out of her price range, she'd decided to put down an offer. After a few days of back and forth negotiating the price, she got a call from her agent. The apartment was hers.

Every weekend Ziva would use her time to pack and put everything in boxes and drive them to her new apartment. The last things to pack would be Sarah's belongings, her crib and her clothes and diapers. Ziva would need an entire day for that, because she'd need her daughter's room to be ready the same day she moved in.

While she was packing, she started cleaning up and throwing away things she didn't really use that took up unnecessary space. She threw away some boxes, old clothes she didn't wear anymore and stuff she'd even forgotten about. When she was organizing her closet, she came across her safe. The first thing she saw when she opened it was Tony's business card, which brought everything back. There was something about that card that made Ziva reconsider her choices. Should she call him? _"He probably won't remember me"_… Should she come visit and introduce Sarah? _No, I can't do that… What if he has a girlfriend? I can't change his life like that" _She really wanted to go see Tony, to catch up, to be with him and maybe pick up where they left off over a year ago. She knew it would be very unexpected to show up with a five-month old daughter, but sometimes she just couldn't take it. Sarah looked so much like Tony and every day she did something new -whether it was a chuckle or the way she looked at Ziva- that reminded her of the father that wasn't there. Of the man she'd left behind. She still dreamed about that night, and she still remembered every detail. She needed to tell him. She needed him to know.

Two weeks had passed and she was ready to move out of her old apartment and into her new one. She was ready to leave that part of her life behind her and more than willing to start a new one. She had left, on purpose, one item unpacked. Her telephone. And she'd left it out to call Tony. She figured it must be around nine p.m. in Washington D.C., so she dialed his home phone number. Saying she was nervous would be an understatement.

"Hello?" His voice sounded just like she remembered.

"Hey… Am I interrupting something?" Her voice, on the other hand, was low, almost whispering. She was so scared of him rejecting her.

"Ziva? Is that you?"

"Yeah…" She found herself smiling.

"Wow… Hi… Uhm… How have you been? I guess you found, and kept, my card, huh?" He was surprised, but glad to hear her voice. He'd missed her more than he ever thought he could.

"I'm alright and, yeah, I found your card. It was very nice of you to slip it in my jacket. Thank you. Do you have a minute to talk… or are you busy?"

"No, I'm just a bit tired. We closed a case today… it was a long one. But we can talk… I'd like that…"

"Ok… Well, there's a lot that has changed in my life in the past year and a half…" She wanted to ease into talking about Sarah, not just drop that kind of news right away.

"Really? Like what?" Since they first met, Tony had always been able to see the person Ziva really was, and he knew that, not only did she deserve better, but she wanted better. And he was excited to find out what that was.

"Well, to start with, I resigned from Mossad. It's kind of a long story, but the short version is that I got tired of my father bossing me around and telling me to do things I didn't really want to do"

"My God! You really resigned? Way to go, Ziva! That's great! Are you happy about it?... Wait, did you get another job or…?" He was excited for her and happy that she was finally building a life of her own without her father.

"I am very happy, thank you… After I resigned, I made a list of all the jobs I didn't want, narrowing the list to the jobs I could work on. And, after looking and looking, I am now a secretary" Tony could tell that she had a smile on her face.

"A secretary… wow! Out of all the jobs in the world, I would've never pegged you for a secretary! I bet you're really good at it… Do you like it?" There was no judgment in his voice, just happiness.

"Well, it's not the job I was trained to do and it was hard at first. Having said that, yeah, I do like it. It's very different than anything I've ever done and I'm happy about it"

"Great! Any other big changes in the life of Ziva David?" He found it a bit embarrassing how happy he was for her and how he must look like an idiot with such a big grin on his face.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I am in the process of moving out of my apartment and into a new one. In fact, I am talking to you sitting on the floor because the only thing left unpacked at my place is my telephone. I had a very important call to make"

"Yeah? Who'd you have to call?" He wasn't kidding.

"You" She smiled at his innocence.

"Oh… So, uhm, new apartment, huh?" He smiled. He was important to her.

They talked for over an hour, telling each other what had changed in their lives and what had stayed the same. Ziva's plan was to ease into telling him that she'd gotten pregnant after their night together and that he had a six-month old daughter. But soon she realized that that's the kind of news you tell someone in person, not over the phone.


	11. Chapter 11

Ever since Ziva called Tony, just before moving out, about a month ago, they'd stayed in touch. Whether it was via email, telephone or Skype, they always found a way to talk to each other. But Ziva was always very careful to not let him know about Sarah. She'd always show him pictures of her alone, made sure not to call him when Sarah was awake (so he wouldn't hear her crying) and she was always choosing her words carefully so as to not let him know she had a child.

Meanwhile, Sarah was still growing up and she looked a lot like Tony. She had big green eyes, blonde hair and a smile that melted Ziva's heart. The only thing Sarah had gotten from her mother was her curly hair, which Ziva knew she'd be to blame for later in life when Sarah told her that it takes her hours to get ready because she has to untangle that messy hair of hers. It kept getting harder and harder to try to forget the fact that Tony was her daughter's father. Ziva felt like she was being mocked, like it was some sort of joke: _"ok, mommy, you won't take me to meet daddy, then I'll look more like him every day until you can't take it anymore". _And, boy, was it working. Ziva was very close to reaching her breaking point.

And one day it happened.

It was a sunny Saturday morning. One of the two days off she got at work, which meant spending two full days with Sarah. They were in the living room, having breakfast and watching TV. Ziva was feeding Sarah her bottle and she, herself, was eating breakfast. Everything was going well, she was zapping through channels, trying to find something to watch that would entertain Sarah, as well. She didn't normally watch the news, especially on the weekend when she was with Sarah, because it was bad enough during the weekdays, when she listened to the news on the radio on her way to the office. It was a habit she'd picked up during her days at Mossad and now she couldn't kick it. But this time, on CNN, she saw something. Something that made her stop eating. Something that made her whole world stop spinning. Something that made her heart stand still.

The news was in every news channel in Israel. A bomb had gone off on a US Naval Ship in Norfolk and 7 sailors had died. NCIS had been called in to the scene and the team in charge of the investigation had concluded that the bomb had been planted by an Al-Qaeda member, given the evidence collected on site and the signature of the bomb. This particular team had uncovered an Al-Qaeda cell located near a farm in D.C and they had gone, along with the FBI, to take it down. And they were successful, but in doing so, two FBI agents had died and one very special NCIS agent had been badly wounded. Three photographs appeared on the TV screen, each with its respective name below. Special Agents Jason Shulman and Patrick Hadley, both FBI. Both strangers to Ziva. Both dead. Now, the third man she knew. She knew him very well. She was having breakfast with his daughter. Below his photograph, his name read _"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS, shot twice in the stomach"_. The news anchor then proceeded to say that a memorial service would be held for the fallen FBI agents, while the injured NCIS agent had been rushed to Washington General Hospital and was currently undergoing emergency surgery to save his life.

Ziva couldn't believe it. Was it too late to tell Tony about Sarah? Had she missed her chance to have the family she had wanted for so long? Without even thinking about it, she opened her computer and booked a flight to D.C. One adult. One child under two. If she was going to D.C to check on Tony, she was definitely taking Sarah with her. Luckily for her, she found a flight for that very same night, arriving in D.C the following day at around noon. So while Ziva packed hers and Sarah's bags, she was calling her boss to let him know that there had been a family emergency and she had to leave the country for an indefinite amount of time. She knew she should make hotel arrangements, but she had no time to think about that. She'd try to do it on the plane, along with coming up with a way to tell Tony that he had a six-month-old daughter. She was sure of one thing, though, she knew that "Team Gibbs" would be at the hospital waiting for news and she wasn't going to tell them she had a daughter with Tony before she talked to him.

It was a twelve-hour flight to D.C, and the only thing Ziva could think of was the twelve-hour flight she'd taken from D.C to Tel Aviv about a year and a half ago. And the events that had happened before boarding that plane, from killing Ari to spending the night with Tony. She kept playing that night over and over again, trying to remember every detail that had led to this moment. And she regretted not doing so many things after she'd left. Not telling him she was pregnant, not coming to visit, not even contacting him at all. She'd had so many chances to tell him that she'd had a baby since they finally got in touch, but she didn't. Now, she'd give anything to be able to tell him. To be able to say "I love you".

Upon arriving in D.C, the first thing she did was take a cab straight to the hospital. She didn't care that she was carrying her luggage or that she hadn't slept in over 24 hours. She just wanted to see Tony. When she got to Washington General Hospital, the first person she saw in the waiting room was, as she'd expected, Gibbs.

"Gibbs!" She was panting and really worried. Gibbs was more than surprised to see her.

"Ziva? Hey, what are you doing here? Is that your baby?" He couldn't believe that she was back in D.C, and he had a gut feeling as to why.

"I was watching T.V and the news was talking about a terrorist attack and they said something about FBI agents dying and an NCIS agent being shot. And it was Tony. I know he was taken into surgery, too. Is he ok? What happened?" She overlooked the fact that Gibbs had asked if Sarah was her daughter.

"He's already out of surgery, but in critical condition. The surgery went well, though, and he has been transferred to the ICU, so that the doctors can watch him closely. Why don't we take a sit, ok? You look exhausted".

"Ok… Thank you… I'm glad he's all right. I jumped on a plane as soon as I heard. I have to see him. I have to talk to him…" She was very worried. There was still a chance he wouldn't make it. "… I just don't understand… I mean, wasn't he wearing a bulletproof vest? How did this happen?"

"He was, Ziva. We all were. But the terrorists had rifles with bullets big and strong enough to penetrate through the vest. We never saw it coming…" Gibbs wanted to go back to talking about Sarah, so he motioned his head towards her. "She's beautiful… What's her name?"

"Oh, thanks… uh… Sarah. Her name's Sarah" She seemed nervous, but was hoping Gibbs thought it was because of Tony's condition.

"Blonde, curly hair and green eyes, huh?" The all-knowing Gibbs was at it again with that famous gut of his. "She's Tony's, isn't she? That's why you're here, too?"

Ziva couldn't take it anymore. Other than her father, no one knew she'd had a daughter with an American Agent, and even her own father wasn't completely sure Sarah was Tony's. He had asked Ziva about it and, while she had never admitted it, she'd never denied it either. The game was over. She had flown 12 hours to see the man that she loved, the father of her daughter, to tell him that she loved him. And now, she was sitting in a hospital waiting room, waiting for good news. And she was next to a man she was also close to, but in a different way. They shared a secret. And she thought sharing another secret couldn't make matters any worse. So, with a fragile voice she confirmed his suspicions.

— "Yes"


End file.
